She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
