grandma shit on top of the toilet
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
