New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
