remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
