Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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