yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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