Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
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The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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