Swine flu. Run for my life!
from now on my penis is your penis
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
