Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
