I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
