So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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