Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
