My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
