walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
