I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
