If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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