some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
