How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
