I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
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Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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