I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
