So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
