If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize