I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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