About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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