I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
