I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
