I'm jealous of your bromance
my sisters under your porch take her home
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize