life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How does one acquire holy water?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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