Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found the puke drawer
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
