So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
