we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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