I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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