I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
