he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
