Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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