hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
