my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if only i could text you this smell
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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