At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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