I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
