She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
