i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
