Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
