they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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