Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
