It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
