Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I got inside last night via doggy door
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
