I wish I could teleport
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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