All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
