she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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