I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His nipple licking is glorious
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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