worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
