Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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