i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
