I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
