I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize