My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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