You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
