evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
