Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
