Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize