Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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