I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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