I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
