I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In the future we'll all be gay
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
