I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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