WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
