I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
