don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
